ex nihilo nihil

Ever been there (and I don't mean when you were a toddler, but recently)? BTW Elliott, the animated gif I have shown is of a young girl who is crying, presumably because she is exhausted, but is fighting sleep. I cry because I'm always tired...not sleepy tired, just tired of being me and feeling helpless or perhaps not having the inner strength to change who I am.

 What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

I'm tired of adrenalin soaked fools,

Tired of idiots playing with the rules,

Know it's not a thing that a man would do,

But you get the same rush by jumping a bus queue.

Tired of bully boys looking for a fight,

I'm not a hard nut, so stuff it, right?

They really got you in a down trodden state,

Hopelessly, endlessly, heavily, totally straight.

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want?

I'm tired of playing with vice,

Tired of hash heads trying to be nice.

Do you feel insulted when they pull out the dope?

Synthetic togetherness, token for a toke.

Do you get a buzz when you reminisce?

"Too much man, it was better than this,"

I don't want a relativity talk,

If that's the bus ride, I'd think I'd rather walk.

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want?

I don't want it, you can take it back,

I don't want to face another attack,

Shits all running round looking for a crack,

Want another corpse to put on the stack?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

What do you want? What do you want?

WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT DO YOU WANT? 

Can you find Mostaza...hahah? This was about the time that I acquired the nickname Mustard, because of the mustard and cheese sandwiches my Moms (at my request) made for me every day for lunch. This was also the year I first tried Mary Jane and also was exposed to punk rock. A lot going on for a 10 year old. Mrs. Shults read to the entire Narnia series to us that year and I would have to say was a big contributor to my early love of reading. I don't think she expected me to go on be the person I am today and everything in between, but I accept full responsibility for the 44 years since pic was taken. Old and beat down...is there any hope for Mostaza? If I make it to my Mom's age at death, that gives me another 14 years to get my shit together...hahah! I will figure it out, but my feeling at this point is that it will be the day before I croak. I am thankful that my son is on a righteous path at this point and hopeful that he will continue making good choices.

Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!

My old site, the Mustard Relics blog, is now available to peruse...I had made it a private thing, an archive of sorts, but figured someone might get something out of it. 14 years of bullshit was a huge accomplishment for me. So anyway, check it out or don't...but this here blog, RdM, is the one I am at for the duration.

I've been digging on these guys since stumbling upon them several years ago. Went back to Mustard Relics and had found that I did indeed post about them/him almost 10 years ago...

"Dissecting Table is a relatively new discovery for me, sometime during my escapades educating myself in the general Industrial genre several months ago. Must’ve been one of the few blogs or forums specializing in Industrial music that I was following at the time. I made my Brother Sang a mixed CD of some of the music in that genre that I had run across, since he was the one who first exposed me to it, way back when. He responded by telling me that he really liked two songs of the 20 or so on the CD, one of those was by Dissecting Table. That song came off their/his first release, a 7″, from 1986. I had looked up the band/guy on Discogs, who describe the band as “the exclusive brainchild of Ichiro Tsuji, who is also the head of the UPD Organization label,” and that first 7″ is pretty pricey. I did discover that his 2nd 7″, released 11 years later (the guy has 5 pages worth of releases on Discogs), had a remix of that same tune and was much more affordable. Picked that bad boy up and was blown the fuck away. Having listened to a lot of his other stuff, this is some of his harshest, yet most cadenced compositions, he’s got quite the variety of sounds, tending more towards what some would define as noise. I prefer this brutal stuff, it’s akin to some of my favorite stuff in the genre, namely early SPK (the first several 7″s, side one of Auto Da Fe). Angry, desperate, Cookie Monster vocals (I have no idea what he's saying, and really even what language it’s in), backed by hyper electronic mayhem. It’s a non-stop assault."

What's so amazing about the above CD, is that it's all fucking live which is not an easy task with this variety of music. From beginning to end this thing is sheer tempoed mayhem and I really can't go on enough about the fact that this is fucking live! Totally reminiscent of late 70s/early 80s SPK and in my dear diary that kind of shit is at the top of the heap of humankind's aural creative output. The "hit" for me is at 51:16, Today Is Holiday.

On MR, this was the studio song off the 7" that I ripped and uploaded, called Why. Be warned, the strobe light type nature of this fan made vid may induce seizures and migraine headaches...but shit , the music itself is a catalyst in itself...and fucken eh, life can induce seizures and migraines. It's been 20 something years since I had a seizure (alcohol detox induced), but mine was in front of my Son's martial arts class when he was like 5, and of course some do-good-er called 911, so next thing I know I'm being carted away to the hospital. Need to ask my boy if he remember that wonderful event. So, anyway, like I said this is Dissecting Table doing Why!

14 tunes in 9 minutes and Stark Raving Mad do it in a way that not many can...as "they" say, often imitated but never duplicated...could go on and on about this band, but just give em a listen if you haven't or if you have, even.

Was joking around with my old pal Professor "Big" Shawn G. about time healing "all" wounds, the other day...hahah...unless you get an infection and die...metaphorically speaking. This pic was from my trip to see him up around Fargo, North Dakota in 2019.

Let's finish this meandering post with and interesting live ending. Unknown year or venue, must be early 80s, of the Beastie Boys, in their early days doing a Reagan Youth cover of the song (aptly titled), Reagan Youth.

Reagan Youth doing their thing in 1984 at the Olympic Auditorium!

A 3 minute vid about Reagan youth and more specifically the sad story of their singer Dave Insurgent.  According to the "comments" the portion about his death is incorrect in that after his friend was killed, his Mother was accidentally killed by his Father with their car a few days later and Dave killed himself a few days after that.

I'm guessing 1986 with my pal Anna at her place in Burbank. Lot's to say about this wonderful friend but maybe some other time. Later...